La la la la la la la

DH took this picture from our front yard. I haven't been blogging much or reading blogs. I am feel way behind. I had a subject I wanted to blog about but I keep trying to decide if it will come out right. October has been busy. The first half was mostly getting ready for Em's carnival birthday party which was TOTALLY AWESOME. I wish I had more time to do more but it was fun just the way it was. Em loved it.

Struggles: I have had a hard time focusing when my 10 and 9 year old talk to me. They talk so much and sometimes so randomly that my brain cannot keep up or slow down enough to concentrate on the meaning of the message. I find myself getting very frustrated with them. I am trying to be more attentive and control my temper.

Cor has been working so hard on his reading and spelling and I am so proud of his progress. He is very consistent with his spelling errors that I think things will eventually click for him. Either way I think we will have him tested for any learning disabilities. He is constantly switching his b's and d's which I remember doing too.

I had my once a month day that I get totally irritated with my lack of being able to keep the house clean. Usually I get over it and I am lazy again. I did decide that having a clean home would bring me a great deal of satisfaction and the only way that was going to happen would be if I started cleaning more consistently. I have a system but I had to start using it. So I have been doing really good this week. It is evening now and I cleaned and worked hard all day and my house is still a little messy but that is the mess that my little ones made after I cleaned. Ballerina did inform me that she was not going to clean up. She wanted to see what she could get away with. She did clean up her room so she could play on the computer. She did pretty good for being four years old. My room is very clean but I still have a few piles of projects that need to get finished and put in their place. I cleaned the mirrors and windows in my room today. I dusted a little, made the bed and lit the candle. I was trying to decide if I was being uptight when I informed DH that I don't like it when he wrestles with the kids on our bed. Especially when I have made the bed and they turn it into a big mess. The kids undo all the cleaning I do in the rest of the house and I really want my room to be off limits. As it is they are constantly dropping their stuff in there. At night I usually gather it all up and throw it out in the hall. I want my room to be a place where I don't have to think about all the stuff.

I used to fold my laundry on our bed but then I would leave it there then we would have to pile it on the floor and sometimes it would be there for days. I have moved the folding to the couch where I feel more motivated to get it put it away. I am totally caught up on my laundry. I only had to do one load today. My goal is two loads a day. I don't think I'll have enough to do laundry tomorrow. My dryer is dying so I am waiting for it to give out completely.

Things I need to buy:

Dryer
Carpet Cleaning, mine is dead
Tile for the backsplash in the kitchen
Bathroom faucet for Master bedroom
Flooring for Entry, Kitchen and Family room
A dressy coat for me
Curtains for the sliding door so I can get rid of the horrible, dirty blinds hanging there now. Why would you hang blinds that are impossible to clean? I don't understand it.

That's just off the top of my head. I know there is more but I don't even want to think about it. We were going to do the wood floors down the hall when we did the entry, kitchen and family room but now I am thinking that will be way too noisy. I think I want to put a berber carpet in the hall. It will be tougher and softer. Hopefully that's a realistic plan. The main obstacle with all of them is $. I am working on a savings plan but it will still be a while before I can afford floors especially if I am forced to buy a dryer.

I would also like to rip out the backsplash in both the bathrooms but I need to finish the kitchen first. I have a problem staying focused on one project until it's done. Hence the reason I have not had a consistently clean house. DH is always focused and I am trying to be a little more like him.

Mental struggle: I have been a little crazy lately and more weepy. Just hormones because I wasn't any more stressed than normal. I start worrying that no one loves me and I have failed at everything I've ever done. Yes, it's all so dramatic but I give into it until I talk some sense into myself. I hardly ever cry so when I start crying over one of the kid's movies then I know something is not working. Am I the only one that feels a little broken sometimes??? I feel better now. I don't ever remember feeling that way before I had kids, sleepless nights and an endless list of responsibilities. But I can't remember in detail my feelings or struggles prior to having children. I am amazed when I read my journal because my life is so different now.

My current stage of life is half a day with only one of my four kids. I love it. I love having the quiet time with Ballerina. Em comes home happy and plays so well with Ballerina. I can run errands in the morning just with Ballerina or short ones with both of them in the afternoon. I still have no clue what I will do when all of them are in school all day but I am confident I will come up with something. The logical answer would be to go back to school but I am not sure I'll be ready for that.

I know a totally pointless blog entry but that's what is up with me.

rain, swimming, interviews, shopping and cute dresses

I love summer. How I love summer. My favorite part has to be WARMTH! I prefer being too warm to being even slightly cold. For over a week we've had warm weather. We did have Thunder and Lightning storms the last couple days which was amazing. We so rarely get lightning, it was exciting. But Cor went to go swimming with the Scouts yesterday and they were only in the pool a few seconds before they had to get out and take cover.

Summer also means Ballerina's birthday in a few weeks. Her birthday is actually on the official first day of summer and this year falls on Father's Day. We are having her first "friend" party on the Saturday before. I thought I was being smart and ordering her party supplies early. I ordered Em's too late and they weren't here for her party. They arrived almost a week ago, three weeks before her party. She was so mad that I wouldn't let her have the party that very day. So we printed a calendar with a few other important dates on it and every day we put a star on the calendar to mark the days passing. She is only slightly pacified by this activity.

Summer means cute dresses every where and I am caught up in the trend (not to be confused with a fad). I would even say Spring/Summer dresses are a Classic. I just ordered three fun dresses online and Anth help me find one at JCrew for under $20 which is my criteria. Anth and my Sister Staci got me into wearing skirts which is fun but I am so ultra picky about how things fit around my waist. I have found that I prefer a fun knee-length dress. All are sleeveless but I am prepared with several new layering tees.

Yay for end of the school year. DH finished his last Administrative this week and even got a call from the school district for an interview for a Vice-principal position. That is next Tuesday. I don't know how anxious he is about it but I can't wait. We've been so busy all week that we haven't had time to talk about it. He is glad to have the opportunity to interview. It makes all the work seem more worthwhile. I am so proud of him and excited to see where this will take him in his future job opportunities.

Baseball is almost over for Cor. It has been a lot of work just running one kid to all his practices and games. DH and I decided were just not as into that as other parents. Maybe later when all our kids are older it won't seem so exhausting to take all of them everywhere. On Wednesday I spent over four hours driving my kids to all their stuff then we ended up at the church for my meetings and DH met me there to pick up the kids. I was so frazzled by the end.

Summer will be a nice break from the endless scheduled events. Plus a vacation to beautiful South Pacific should be rejuvenating.

Yucky Chuck E. and other people's kids

So last Saturday I took the kids to Chuck E. Cheese. Cory had earned it on his reading chart that DH made for reading at home. DH wanted to put it off, especially because he wasn't feeling well, but I want the kids to know we are reliable. If we say we are going to do something then we do it. I told DH to stay home and rest so he would be ready for our date that night that meant a lot to me. I hate places like McD's and Chuck E. Cheese because they make me feel dirty. I feel like I am being coated with germs, sweat, and pee the moment I walk in there. But the kids love it so I decided I could deal with it for a few hours. Saturday is the worst day to go but the only day we would be able to go. Cor and Mya got their tokens and I told them to stay together but they didn't have to stay with me. I kept Em and Ballerina with me. Ballerina kept wondering off. She is little and she would just start following who ever got in front of her. There weren't very many things they felt brave enough to do. We got our little prizes and were there for less than two hours.

The worst part was other people's kids. Little kids, younger than Em and Ballerina, were running around with no adult supervision. We had to wait our turn for every thing we wanted to do and half the time some kid would run up cut right in front of us. Or they would try to climb on a ride while one of the girls were on it. Sometimes I said something but most of the kids just ignored me. Later on Saturday I was at the grocery and some 8-10 year old kid came up and starting taking things out of my cart. I told him that was my stuff and he tossed it in the cart and ran off. Completely oblivious.

Today Ballerina has a runny nose and I am pretty sure I know where she got it from. But if I had to compliment Chuck E. Cheese it was nice that they had so many employees there and they kept people as organized as they could and kept the floors picked up.

Last night Ballerina came into our room. She can't breathe well so she couldn't sleep. We never let the kids sleep in our bed but I was so tired and I knew if I sent her back to bed I'd just be up with her again in a few minutes. So I let her have half the bed and I snuggled up on the other half with DH. She slept pretty good for several hours. About six in the morning she got up and went back to her own bed. I guess sleeping with Mom and Dad wasn't all she dreamed it would be. Maybe she'll realize her own bed is better. Doubtful but I can hope. Ballerina has been trying her whole 3 1/2 years to be able to sleep in our bed. She only sleeps through the night 2-3 nights a week. Now that she wears panties to bed we have to get up with her and take her to the bathroom. Good thing she is the baby.

DH went to the doctor yesterday because he had some really weird symptoms and Friday. And all weekend he was completely exhausted. He is a pretty healthy guy so it really worried him. The doctor thought it was a result of the all the stress he has been under. Sunday night I had talked to him about how stressful our life has been and the effect it's having on our relationship. We decided that we need to work on our communication since the stress is not going to end any time soon. Every night we've been sitting and talking. Sometimes it's hard to get DH to talk because he'd rather just listen. But he is trying. Last night I really confused him because I actually did want him to give me a solution to my problem. I am really stressed out. I feel like I am doing all I can but it's not nearly enough.

Yesterday, as we were crossing the street near the school one of the cars did not stop until the last possible second. The crossing guard was waving the flag at him. It was a bunch of teenagers and they were laughing. Where is a police man when you need one? So as we were crossing one of the other moms crossing yelled, "This is a School crossing you Jack-A**." She said that several times while she was surrounded by school children including mine. After that her boy was telling her something that happened at school and she asked him if he kicked their butt. This boy was a kindergartener. Luckily he said no in a confused sort of way. She used a few other offensive words in the 1 1/2 minutes we had to be near her. I didn't say anything because she was bigger than me, mean looking and also had another large, butch cut woman next to her and I am sure they would have been in no mood to take my constructive criticism. I understand that a lot of people using an excessive amount of foul language but to me it shows a severe lack of intelligence.

Today I was going to volunteer in each of the kids classrooms but I decided I better not take Ballerina anywhere. Now I have time to exercise and get ready for our Young Women activity tonight. Now I just got thinking about everything again and I am almost in tears. DH asked if he could help me with anything but I don't really need help I just need less to think about but that's just not going to happen. I know I need to be more patient with myself. If I don't learn how to deal with it I am going to have a breakdown soon. But I am probably just being dramatic.

This morning Em kept coming up to me and showing me her hand but she was holding it a different way each time. I kept asking her what I was supposed to be looking at but then she would say nothing and run off. She likes to be mysterious like that. Finally she came back to show me what she could do with her hand and she said, "K." She was doing sign language. It was on the back of her cereal box. She just showed me the sign for "E" for Em. Apparently I don't need to teach my kids anything and just buy more store brand cereal.

Cor just started piano lessons and he doesn't want Mya to help him. Mya has been taking lessons for over two years. Their teacher told them it would do them both good if he would let Mya help him when he practices. This morning Cor was working on a little song and Mya came up and starting helping him and after a little encouragement from me he watched her and listened. It really made me happy to see them learning together. I loooooove that my kids are playing the piano. Their teacher is amazing because she recognized immediately that Mya and Cor have completely different learning styles but both work well for learning to play the piano.

Here we are at Cor's baptism. Everything turned out so perfect that day. I even had to give a talk in Sacrament meeting. But I was so grateful that I had a perfect hair and skin day. That really only happens once every couple years. Cor had a good experience and everything went as planned. My parent's even came over from Utah for the weekend.

Here is DH and I at the Pacific City, Cape Kiwanda for his birthday weekend. We had such a good time and you can see what a beautiful day it was.

You can also see our new kitty, Checkers, getting comfy with her favorite person. I don't really care much for pets but DH has taken to the cat. The kids love her and she gets a lot of attention which she seems to enjoy. A better picture would have been of all the scratches Em and Val had all over their bodies the first couple weeks we had the kitty. Checkers is very very patient with them but they pick her up and carry her the wrong way all the time and eventually she gets scared and scratches them. She is getting used to them now and doesn't scratch them so much and we've only had her six weeks.

Volunteering at the School

Well my good intentions finally resulted in some action this year. I haven't been very active at being involved in my kids school only because I would have to find Ballerina and Em a place to go. Now that Grandma S is watching the girls on Tuesday mornings and Deena will watch them another day I can go to the school and be a Mommy Helper. Tuesday I went to Cor's class. The teacher had me test the kids on their sight words. The kids were each so cute and they immediately started calling me teacher. They were so impressed I was Cor's Mom. Total celeb status in no time.

Wednesday I went to Mya's class. The teacher had me take kids to the computer lab. The kids can't go without an adult so I just hang out with them and watched what they did. That was good because my kids will benefit from using this Math program called Whizz but I had to pay for it and that was the last day to pay. One of the boys in the group knows me from church so he gave me the low-down on everything. It was funny. It's interesting how capable most kids are on the computer and others had a really hard time and needed a lot of help.

Since I went to Cor's class in the morning I stayed for lunch after that. I ran over to Dairy Queen and got some gross chicken strips and fries and a Pumpkin blizzard. The blizzard was awesome but filling, I could only finish half. Because I was there Cor got to invite 2 friends to eat lunch with us in the pod. His friends were so funny. One boy was telling me all the bad words he is not allowed to say. Mostly he would just start the word but not finish it. And they were trying to guess how tall God is. I asked one boy what he was going to be for Halloween. He said his family didn't really celebrate Halloween but all the other holidays. He said that love holiday was his favorite (Valentine's Day).

Speaking of computer skills Ballerina is getting really good at clicking around on Starfall.com. I have to watch her because sometimes she right clicks and gets the computer really messed up. My kids mostly play Starfall and Webkinz but now Mya and Cor will have this math program they can play with at home too.

Other noteworthy accomplishments, I cleaned my bathroom today. My bathroom gets seriously neglected and it was nasty. It took me a couple hours. I washed the walls and baseboards, etc. I scrubbed the toilet and shower. I wiped down everything and washed the floor mat. I would have done a before and after picture but I'm too embarrassed about the before picture.

What I did today

Here's a list of the things I did today (Wednesday):

• Got up
• Dressed
• Woke up Mya and Cor
• Ate breakfast and checked email.
  
• Helped Ballerina and Em set up play-do
• Walked Mya and Cor to school, Em and Ballerina ride in the stroller.
• Dressed Em and Ballerina.
• Called a friend
  
• Paid bills
• Balanced check book and savings account.
• Checked rewards card and ordered some free gift cards.
  
• Labeled my tomato sauce that I canned yesterday.
• Switched the laundry and started a new load.
• Changed into stretchy pants and t-shirt (out of exercise clothes).
• Curled my hair and put on a little make-up.
• Made and ate lunch
• Cleaned up computer desktop
• Emailed my sister
• Switched laundry
• Empty, filled and started the dishwasher
• In the process of cleaning the kitchen-it is a huge mess from canning
• Talked to DH on the phone-very rare that I talk to him during the day while he is working but no emergency he just called to chat while he was Principal for the Day.
• Picked a bunch of tomatoes at varying degrees of readiness and put them on the counter to finish ripening.
  
• Emailed a friend.
• Printed October Calendar and taped it on the fridge.
  
• Talked to a friend on the phone.
• Got Em and Ballerina Otter pops.
• Walked to school to pick up Mya and Cor
• Drank a large glass of ice water
• Checked Mya and Cor's school papers.
• Signed up for kids Book It Program online
• Helped Ballerina get a snack.
• Emptied Dishwasher, refilled and turned it on.
• Switched the laundry
• Put the salsa and tomato sauce away.
• Handwashed the dishes that didn't fit in the dishwasher
• Tried to untangle Em's necklace.
• Took some drugs for my lingering headache.
  
• Got a text from my brother that his wife is in labor, will deliver soon, sent a text back. Baby #4 for them-2 boys and 2 girls.
  
• DH came home and brought us a bunch of pencils and pens that they can't use at school and post-its shaped like light bulbs. Woo Hoo!
• Switched the laundry
• Trimmed the ties on 2 baby quilts
• Talked to my brother K. on the phone
• Talked to DH outside for a while
• Ate Stew for Dinner. DH was the winner of the bay leaf. Who ever gets the bay leaf in their stew is the winner. They don't win anything they just get to feel victorious.
• Cleaned up dinner
  
• My brother J. called to announce they had the baby. It was a girl, 8 lbs. 3 oz., 18 1/2 inches long. He said she is short and fat. She has had her eyes open for the last 2 hours. He just sent me a pic on the phone with her eyes and mouth wide open. So cute! They live in Utah and he said that they had 5 other babies born in the hospital right about the same time so it is pretty hectic there.
  
• Going to show DH and the kids the picture
• Read through grocery store ads till Ballerina came and rearranged them for me.
• Started folding laundry
• Paid DH's tuition
• Checked emails
• Finished folding the laundry and put some of it away
• Read scriptures with the kids, prayed and tucked everyone in. Usually I read to Mya and Cor but lately I won't if their room isn't clean. I thought this would be good motivation but it has not worked. I guess money is the biggest motivator right now.
• Switched another load of laundry
  
• Finished putting folded laundry away
• Ate a cup of yogurt
• Read my newest cooking blog that I co-write with Anth (I have yet to contribute anything) and someday it will be the greatest cooking blog in the world.
  
• Tried to figure out where that beeping sound was coming from
• Going to watch Jericho, Season 1, Disc 5
• Goodnight
  

Loved to Death

I have shared with my friend Anth before that I am just not sure how much love I can handle and can you truly be loved to death. Em and Ballerina want to be on me or wrapped around me any time I sit down. Ballerina likes to be right under my right arm when I am typing on the computer. Cor wants to have an in depth conversation when I am reading. But it's Em who may cause my eminent demise. She wants to be as close and attached to me as possible. She has to be laying on me or wrapped around me like a snake. She wants to touch my face and she wants me to be touching her skin, usually a back rub. A friend who had a daughter of similar needs told her daughter that they couldn't get any closer unless she put her back in the womb. I think if I must leave this earthly vessel being loved to death would be the best way to go.

Blueberry Heaven

Cor said it was Blueberry Heaven but Mya said it was Blueberry Mania. Deena told us about this blueberry field where we had a joyous time picking berries that were so bountiful they practically fell into our buckets. In all we picked 15 pounds of blueberries. Cor and Mya enjoyed it the most and worked very hard. Cory did eventually get distracted by some large holes in the ground that were everywhere and he and decided they need to watch for gophers.

Ballerina is such a good picker she can do it with her eyes closed.

Em worked hard for a while but eventually made friends with some other kids in the field and they were whisked away to imagination land.

We felt at one with nature and almost stayed too long. When Cory prayed over our lunch he asked that we wouldn't get diarrhea from eating so many berries.

Quilt Block #9 and othe such fun...

I haven't been very good about posting my quilt blocks but here is the one I finished today. Last time Anth and I skipped our class and drove around town instead. I really like this one and it was pretty simple. This weekend is our last class (which means I didn't make any mistakes).I still need to finish block #10 before class on Friday. They will give us our last 3 blocks to finish and we will have 13 blocks total. We had the option to buy the finishing kit to make a Queen size quilt but we are both too cheap for that. I think I will just be making a throw and using 2 blocks to recover my couch cushions that are hideously ugly.

Royal Star

This weekend I made banana mini-muffins. Do you like how they are so golden that the flash reflects off them. They were super yummy and I think I ate most of them. This is my third variety of mini muffins since I bought my mini-muffin tin.

Em enjoying a mini-muffin.

This last week DH took a day off and we tried to sleep in as long as possibly. I thought it was strange that no one was coming in asking for breakfast. When I finally got up I discovered that Cor had layed out the bowls and spoons the same way I do every morning and had served everyone who wanted cereal. He even made sure he gave his Dad the biggest bowl and a big spoon just how he likes it. What a good kid. Now I never have to get up in the morning.
We had a great weekend. Sunday we played Badminton in the back yard and had Anth's family over for dinner. Saturday DH went golfing all morning and in the afternoon his sister watched the kids and we saw Indiana Jones. I loved it and thought it was classic Indi. Plus we got to hold hands and pretend like we were teenagers which we like to do.

Sunday we decided that Mya could go on a road trip with my parents in a couple weeks for my Mom's family reunion in Southern Utah. At first we were too scared to let our baby go but she is 9 years old and all her girl cousins her age will be going. It just makes me worry having her go so far for so many days. I know she will have a great time and it makes me happy that she'll get to have an experience like I had when I was her age.

I guess time does fly...

When I was about 8 months pregnant with Ballerina I wrote an itinerary for my 3 other children in case of emergency and someone would have to step in and take care of them. Other than me and DH no one really knows our routine and my kids were still pretty little. Now I could totally depend on Mya and Cor to be able to inform someone of all that we do during the day. The itinerary is about 3 pages long but I laughed so hard remembering some of the challenges that were part of our day to day life. I had forgotten a lot of those things and I don't know if I just wanted to make myself look like a good Mom or if I have gotten more layed back as time has gone by.

I am only including some of it since it is so long. This was our routine 3 years ago; Mya was 6, Cor was 4, and Em was 19 months old. It really does feel like a million years ago and I feel like I was peeking into someone else's life.

Daily Routine:

• Morning-kids usually wake up between 7:00 and 8:00 AM. (Now they get up around 6:30 AM)
  
• If Cor wet the bed we have him get undressed, stand in the tub, and we spray him off. Cor will argue about everything but usually just letting him know he has to do it and repeating it several times works. (This has not changed)
  
• NO TREATS UNTIL AFTER LUNCH, they know this is the rule.

Bathroom Manners:

• Cor is working on not walking in the bathroom when someone is going to the bathroom, he gets an immediate time out. If Mya tricks him into coming in then tattles on him, she gets a time out.
• The door stays closed when not in use or Emily makes trouble in there.

Breakfast:

• Cory-must be dressed to have his breakfast or he might not get dressed all day.

After Breakfast:

• Lately Cory likes to go out and swing until his arms get tired. (He used to go out there and swing forever and talk to himself. I think it was his way of getting away from everyone.)

Snack Time:

• Around 10:30 AM. (I can't believe I had a set time for snack. Now they just seem to be eating all the time. I think I might start doing that again.)
  
• Have them drink a whole cup of water with their snack. (Apparently I was really good at making sure the kids got enough fluids)

Lunch:

• Cor sometimes has a a short attention span for sitting and eating so you have to keep him going by reminding him to eat or giving him a certain amount of bites to finish. Otherwise he is hungry ten minutes after lunch is done. If he knows he is going to to get a treat after lunch he will say he is done early just to get the treat. You have to use that as incentive to finish his lunch and all his drink. Almost every day he says he is not thirsty but if you give him the drink anyway he will usually end up drinking it.

After Lunch:

• Before Emily's nap Mya and Cor can do a cleaning job, usually just picking up toys and getting them put away. Cory needs encouragement to finish the job.
  
• Emily takes a nap around 1:00 pm, she will sleep 2 to 3 hours. (Oh how I miss that!)

Bedtime:

• Around 8:00 pm.
• If they have brought out a lot of toys to living room and kitchen area have them each pick up five things and put them away, or the same thing in their rooms.
• Say prayers together, put girls in bed, Em does not need to be rocked to sleep. Then put Cor in bed. Sometimes Cor will go to bed himself.
  

Well that's some of it. It probably doesn't mean much to anyone but me but it was fun to remember how things were with just the three of them and how things have changed with four and especially how things have changed without a baby in the house.

Words my kids have learned from hanging around with Anth

Mya just started saying "Pish Posh."

Cor is always saying "Sucka."

It's great to be a kid...

All of these pictures were taken by my Mya and Cor.

Here is Ballerina drinking the pond water AGAIN. We have told her not to drink the water a gazillion times, we are just waiting for her to grow a 3rd arm. In the background you can see my DH's project for the fire pit.

Mud Brownies baking in the sun.
All my tupperware ends up outside.

I think this picture of Cor speaks for itself.

Mya

This is part of the life cycle of a pretzel.

This is one of my all time favorite pictures.

All kinds of things are happening in the waterfall.

Em.

Mya.

I took this picture this morning. You might be like me and find this rubber chicken a little creepy but thanks to Anth giving it to my girls they have developed an unusual affection for it. We took him on our walk this morning and he must have been tuckered out because he has been put down for a nap.

Conversation in the car ride home today...

Car honking.

Mya: What happened?

Me: Some kids just ran out in front of that car. That wasn't a very good choice.

Mya: No, it wasn't.

Cor: Sometimes I really hate teenagers.

I start laughing.

Mya: Then you are going to hate yourself.

Em puts on her Santa hat.

Mya: Hi Santa or Mrs. Claus!

Cor: Did you really see him.

Mya: No, Em just had a Santa hat on.

Mya: (to Cor) You better eat your french fries even though you're not French.

This all happened in real time, no breaks, or silent moments in the conversation.

Updates on the latest at our house

My birthday...

I had a good birthday. A lot of friends and family called and wished me well. My cousin and BFF Stephanie came over to have lunch with me. We had a good visit as always. She is one of those friends where it doesn't matter how long we haven't seen each other that we always pick up where we left off and we can talk for hours. Plus we know all the solutions to the world's problem's.

DH was gone all day and so the kids ate popcorn for dinner. My parent's and my brother Kirk and his wife Brittany came by later and hung out for a while. I enjoyed that. Kirk is a funny guy. The more I get to know Brittany the more I like, not that I didn't like her in the first place. Whatever, I am not sure what I am saying. They are buying a house near by and I am excited for that.

Becca brought cupcakes so I did have cake and one candle for my birthday which makes it official. I am 33. Someone tell me what that means.

Saturday Deena watched our kids so we could go on a date. After dinner we walked around Target all by ourselves. I know that is pathetic. We didn't make real plans and there is very little to do around here. We ended up buying DH's fire pit for his back yard project. So I thought it was my birthday but apparently it was his. Oh well.

Most of all I am grateful for all my friends and family that remembered my birthday. My Sister Jenna got me a gift card for a Nail and Spa place here in town. I am trying to decide between a pedicure or a bikini wax. I have never had a bikini wax before and even though I know it will hurt it would be so nice to not have to worry about shaving during the swimming season. I have had my eyebrows waxed, it hurt a little but loved not having to pluck for a while.

No, I don't think I am brave enough to have a Brazilian wax!

Ballerina potty training...

Oh joyous day. My 4th and last child has begun potty training. We started on Thursday when DH took Mya, Cor, and Em to work for "Take your child to work" day. We spent all day watching movies and sitting on the little potty. She loves being naked but has aversion to peeing on herself so she figured out to go in the potty right away. Extra fluids made it so she had to go more often than usual. She still has not pooped in the potty but I have let her wear diapers to bed and whenever we go out. For some unknown reason she refuses to wear the pullups. When I put panties on her it gives her a false sense of security and she pee's or poops in them. DH didn't know better and put panties on her while I was gone and he had to clean up the poop. So for now she is naked from the waist down while we are home.

It makes me happy that she is doing so well and probably this week I will try to get her to the next step of panties and pooping in the potty. The main problem I have now is that she can pull the part out of the little potty that holds the pee then she runs around the house showing it to everyone and splashes pee all over the place. I am cleaning it up as best I can but I will need to clean the carpets this week.

TV shows...

We don't have cable or a dish so we watch our TV shows when they come out on DVD. We have blockbuster and that works out pretty well for us. I love not watching the commercials. And my kids have been unexposed to all the trash that is on TV. We are on the 4th season of 24. I really like it but when you watch them back to back it's a lot of violence to tolerate. DH is sure by the time we get to season 6 Jack will have killed 2/3rds of the population.

My brother Kirk also convinced us the Arrested Development is a funny show so we will try that next.

Movies...

Well just one movie. I watched The Painted Veil. I had put it on my queue a long time ago and kind of forgot what it was about. But I moved it up because it looked like a romance and I really wanted to watch something like that. I loved it. It was romantic and tragic. Total girl movie. If you are prone to cry then you will definitely need some tissues. The actors played their parts well and the story was classic.

I have Juno but haven't watched it yet. I am getting Lars and the Real Girl next. It looks interesting.

Books...

I just finished Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin. It's chick lit. I can only read so much of that because it seems to be consistent that the characters are self-centered and I can only take so much of that at time. All the characters except the main character lacked anything resembling morals. And in the end the main character got what she wanted to by breaking all the rules she had always lived by. She got her man but was disillusioned by what she had to give up. She seemed to justify that it was all worth it and that you have to give up certain things (including high morals) to be happy. (Worth it meaning having someone to sleep with was more important than being honest) I disagree with her philosophy but it gives me insight into how some people may feel. It's a book that once you start you simply have to finish just to know how it ends.

Cor's swollen nose...

I had to go pick up Cor from school because he fell on the balance beam during recess and smashed his nose. His nose has been bleeding all afternoon and it's still a bit swollen. He tried to convince me that he was ok enough to go out and play with the neighbor kids while there was still blood running down his nose. Kids are funny.

He also has this friend (Cn) at school and he used to call Cor on the phone all the time. Like 2-3 times a day. One day he said some insulting comments to Cor on the phone and I told Cor to hang up. I also told Cor to tell Cn that he can't call if he is going to be mean. They have had couple play dates before and they seem to get along but now this boy thinks it's funny to be mean and tease Cor. Cor is a sweet boy and he tries to be nice to everyone. Last week Cor told me he didn't want to be friends with Cn any more. I told him that was fine but to be nice to him anyway. Today when I went to pick up Cor his teacher told me that Cn was picking on Cor a lot this morning and she has made sure to keep Cn away from Cor. I told her about the phone calls. She said she would be willing to make a stop to that. Cor's teacher loves Cor's innocent sweetness and seems pretty protective of his feelings. I told her that I would talk to Cn's parents if he kept calling but he hasn't called for a while since I kept telling him he couldn't play with Cor anymore. I don't think Cn's parent's knew that he was making so many phone calls. I have a problem with that. I have also felt uncomfortable talking to Cn's parents because they are very serious towards me. Besides that it made me really upset this morning to find out Cn's been mean to Cor at school but comforted that his teacher is dealing with it right away. I think Cor can stand up for himself but he really makes an effort to be nice to everyone. I realize some boys think it's fun to say those kind of things to each other and maybe because Cor doesn't have brother's he is just not used to it but if the teacher thinks it's a problem then it's something more than boys being boys.

Wishing for someone else's life?

Sometime's when things are bad we tend to wish for someone else's life. You could take mine but I'd like to convince you to keep your own. I have a great life, great husband, great kids but this morning I didn't want to face it so much. It's not like I haven't done this a million gazillion times but it never seems easy. We just got off the quarantine from the eternal cold going around our house so I was very excited to get back to normal.

This morning I woke up early to the sound of DH starting the laundry. That means there's been some kind of accident. Cor threw up in bed. I told him he couldn't put throw up laundry in the washer if it had actual chunks of food, it has to be cleaned off first. He gave me a face and told me it wasn't that bad. I should have just said thank you for cleaning up the mess. Normally he would have already been gone to work. I finally convinced myself I must get up and deal with the problem. I got dressed. Check the progress of my completely broken out face then headed to the kitchen. I mixed some bleach water in the sink and wiped everything down.

Cor had another incident in the bathroom so I had to clean that up and Mya was late to school. I was frustrated about that so I got after the girls for not getting into their car seats as asked a billion gazillion times. When we got back home from dropping off Mya, Ballerina threw her usual "I don't want to get out of the car because I can't remember the fit I threw about getting in the car 5 minutes ago" routine. I told her "Mommy is not doing this this morning." Somehow she did not get the message. I carried her into the house but I forgot to let her push the button that closes the garage door. The above picture is her throwing a fit to get back out and turn back time so she can close the garage door. She said the funniest things while she was throwing a fit, the last rant she kept saying "Oh Man!" Currently she is opening the fridge and eating whatever she can get her little paws on. Now I know why my Mom used to say, "You kids are going to drive me to drink."

Conclusions I have drawn from this experience:

• You must appreciate your life no matter what
• Enjoy the good, boring days when you have them
• There is no "normal" when you have kids
• I am glad Cor can get himself to the bathroom when he needs to puke
• Sometimes I don't think I love my kids enough but today I know I must or I wouldn't be able to handle yucky stuff like this
• Thank goodness for girls night out and dates with my husbands or I wouldn't survive these precious moments
• It's fun to take pictures of your kids when they are mad
• I can tell you all the things that don't digest well in a child's stomach
• Thank heaven for my washing machine, bleach, a toilet that flushes, DH who wanted to spare me of the puke smell, oh ya and rubber gloves!
  

I lovingly dedicate this post to my friends who have kids or who are pregnant and expecting the arrival of one more precious child who will make their life as richly blessed as mine. Look at all the patience and knowledge you are about to acquire.

I lost my keys

Today I lost my keys. I got in the car to take the kids to school and they weren't in my purse or my coat pocket. Those are the only two places I put them. I have lost many things in my life but never the keys. I had a Valet key in my purse so I used that to get the kids to school. So I had to scour my memories of what I did this weekend. I was so upset about that because I have the worst memory.

We had a pretty mellow weekend and the only times we went out DH drove. I did remember taking the keys out at Winco (grocery store) to open the van on Saturday. So I called Customer Service to see if anyone had turned them in. I called both family members that we had visited on Sunday. They weren't available to look right away. Em and I said a prayer.

Oh, I have to back track a little. Em had lost her frog she got for Easter and I had already found it while looking for my keys. She was completely positive we would find the keys since we had already found Froggy.

I decided to just answer emails for a while, for a little distraction from my stress attack. While I was typing I remembered that Cor had used the keys to go get the mail around 6:00 pm Saturday. Our box has a lock and it's across the street from our house. So I ran outside and I could see them hanging there. Two nights, including all day Sunday, they hung there in the lock of our mailbox, totally visible to anyone going by. There were the keys to both our cars and the house key. I don't know if we are lucky or being very blessed for something we are doing right. Whichever, I am enormously grateful.

As an afterthought...earlier when I was trying to reconcile myself that I may never find my keys I decided I would miss the remote lock for my van the most. Because I am lazy and it makes it easier to lock and unlock the car. Is that sad or what? I've only had the remote lock for 5 years of my whole life and now I think I can't live without it.

I never did tell Cor about what happened. I knew he would feel terrible and it was an absent minded mistake and I make those all the time. Also, I knew his sisters would tease him about it. I send him to get the mail because he loves to do it and I don't like going out in the rain. I will have to be the one to make sure he gets the keys back where they belong.

Fun times with the little ones

Dealing with the yucky stuff...

So this morning I was going to get up and take a shower before the kids got up. I haven't done that in a while since I have the eternal cold. Just as I was getting in the shower Em came in to tell me Ballerina had taken her diaper off and was poopy. I threw on my robe and she was in bed. Lying in her mess very content. I pulled off her nightgown and put her in the shower. She screamed the whole time. When I wrapped her in the towel she was happy again. But then it was time for lotion and bum ointment because she had poop on her bum for I don't know how long. She screamed until I had her completely dressed. I gave her a hug and told her what a good girl she was (it's so easy to lie when you love your kids). She was all happy and smiles again. Bad news: I had just put clean bedding on her bed yesterday. Good news: I put the plastic lined mattress pad on so the mess was nicely contained and easily thrown into the wash. During this whole ordeal I was in my robe that kept coming untied from fighting with Ballerina. It's amazing how no one notices that I am naked (DH was not home). Even 7 year old Cor hasn't realized he doesn't want to see his mother naked. I once heard an female announcer on the radio say that her teenage son still tries to come talk to her while she is in the bathroom. It almost made me cry. I am glad my kids are so comfortable with me and I am almost resigned to the fact that privacy is non-existent.

Cabin Fever...

For the last three days after we drop of Mya and Cor to school Ballerina has started screaming whenever I take a right turn off the street from the school. Because she realizes that I am headed back home. She screams, "Go the other way, Mommy!" She knows that if I turn left it means we are going somewhere, anywhere, but home. Today I turned left and she was soooo happy.

Time flies when you are having fun...I think...

Yesterday Anth came over to work on our quilt squares. Mya and Cor were being silly and teasing each other. She said, "So this is what I have to look forward too." Soon her little baby boy will be born and her little girl LB and baby BS will be 22 months apart. Just like mine. It was so weird to realize that it has been 7 1/2 years since I was where she is now. And it is so cliche to say it but it seems like yesterday. There are so many things that I have forgotten or blocked from my memory but it really doesn't seem like that much time has gone by. It made me a little sad and then made me feel a little old (not too much because I really only view people as 80 or older as "old"). Because when I had Cor I thought people with 4 kids were so much more mature and experienced. So now when I look at people with teenagers, I shudder to think that could be me in a few seconds. Because in 2 1/2 years all my kids will be in school!

I don't have any regrets about it because I have tried to enjoy it as much as I can and I have really tried to be a good mom. I have so totally failed at times and I am sure my kids will let me know how I screwed up someday. Actually 9 year old Mya already does except she tries to tell me nicely, in a stating the facts sort of way. I still think of Mya and Cor as my babies, just with different responsibilities. I wonder if I will always think of them that way?

I don't know how to describe how difficult it has been to raise my kids. Sometimes I feel like my brain is going to explode or simply that it had broken beyond repair, sometimes I feel like I would give them away, or that I'd never be good enough for them. On the other hand it has been so wonderful to love my babies. I do miss the little baby stage as Ballerina is almost 3 years old now but I plan to live vicariously through Anth and my other friends with new babies. DH and I already look forward to being grandparents someday and lovin' our grandbabies.

Spring Break '08

I love Spring Break. I like having a break from running the kids to school and we get to all be home together. At first we thought everyone was getting over their colds but Val and I still weren't feeling too good. Em got conjunctivitis but it cleared up quickly. My favorite part of Spring Break is DH being home. He helped me out a ton around the house. He did yard work. And he got a break from his hectic schedule. Since he was home I got to go out and do errands and do some playing with my friends without the kids. I am still fighting my cold and it remains mildly annoying.

Our first big event was Easter. We actually asked the Easter bunny to come Saturday morning so we would have time to hunt and enjoy our goodies. The rest of the day was lovely, the kids played outside all day. Cor played so long he got sun stroke and threw up in the middle of church the next day. The puke got all the way down the hall, all over himself, and all over DH. I AM SO GRATEFUL IT WASN'T ME. But DH will need some more time before he finds it amusing.

Ballerina finds her eggs.
Em gets a squishy frog that she loves. She played with it for 3 days straight. It looks like a real frog. She likes reptiles, amphibians, and dinosaurs.
Cory searching for eggs and putting them in his big mouth bunny. We make these bunnies every year out of milk jugs and cotton balls.
Cor collecting things to take home. Sunday night we decided we wanted to spend one day at the beach so we looked up the weather. The forecast said Monday would be the nicest day so we went. We went to a fab restaurant reccommended by Anth. The view was beautiful and the food was good. We tried a new beach because I wanted to try a new beach each time we go. DH really wanted to go back to Siletz Bay because we had so much fun there last time. After eating lunch we drove a little way then DH pulled into Gleneden Beach. It was really fun. Lots of climbing and sunshine. The wind was mild and the waves were huge. So very uncharacteristic of the Oregon Coast that I didn't even think to bring Sunblock. So we didn't stay on the beach as long as we would have liked. After that we went to the outlet mall and scored some great deals and got some cute things for the kids and myself. We didn't stay there too long because Ballerina was tired, throwing fits, and constantly running off.
Mya and the huge waves. She is the only one brave enough to put her feet in the water. We heard on the radio on the way home that it was going to snow at the coast that night. It was hard to believe since it was such a beautiful day. But by the weekend we heard they had 4 inches of snow.
One of Dad's 5 million trips climbing the rocks with the little girls.
Hailstorm in our back yard. This week was crazy weather. All in one day we would have snow, rain, wind, hail, and sunshine.
By the last day of the Spring Break it was sunny again. I really love my daffodils. They make me happy. The kids want to pick them all but I try to convince them they look beautiful right where they are. You can see the tulips are coming up next.

This makes four...

This is the 4th time this winter that I have been sick with a cold. Well my kids have all had a cough and runny nose this week. Cor was home for 2 days with pink eye and Ballerina started pink eye last Friday. Em and Mya have both did not want to be sick so they mentally willed themselves to get better. Em's motivation is that she does not like going to the doctor. So when she would cough she would tell me it was just a little one and that she was all better. Mya is so determined not to miss school and all her friends. Cor enjoyed his home time and entertained the girls the whole time. Ballerina has suffered and whined through the whole thing. I don't blame her, she gets colds so easily.

My cold feels the same as the sinus infection I had only 3 weeks ago. But that one I had a fever of nearly 105 degrees. This fever hasn't gotten over 100 degrees. So I think my body is fighting it. I have been pretty achy and it's upset my digestive system. It started coming on while I was at a piano concert with Mya Saturday night. We went to see James O'neil Miner. It was really fun but I was freezing the whole time. And my throat got sore. I was still freezing when we got home so I took my temperature. Sunday I spent most of the day on the couch. Ballerina sat with me for most of it. FOUR COLDS this winter. Yuck! I usually only get real sick once each winter and maybe once in Spring/Summer time.

Unfortunately, I had kissed my DH several times that day so it is very likely that he will get sick too. He says he is going to get sick during Spring Break so I won't make him do yard work.

I am having serious cabin fever and I may just spend the day writing emails to friends so I feel like I have a life. It's so sad. I had planned to have our big mouth bunny party today but that will not happen. Today is Cor's half birthday so we'll try to do something fun for that.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

Yesterday Mya and Cory made their leprechaun traps and put them on the porch. They put their shiniest pennies inside to attract the leprechaun. The leprechaun did escape their traps but he left a variety of green candies for them. And he left green footprints all over the porch. One of these years we'll catch a leprechaun and he'll have to show where he has hid his pot of gold.

New Year's Resolutions

Anth asked me if I set NY's resolutions so this is my answer to her and to myself. We had a lesson in RS on goal setting that actually didn't get me any more excited than I was before but it was at least a reminder to finish what I started.

In high school I took leadership classes and read a lot on developing skills, setting goals, and becoming principle centered. It didn't make a lot of sense to me then but since I have matured it has more real life value. For the first few years of our marriage I did make goals, wrote them down, only to review them later and figure out that I had failed either by setting my goals too high and unattainable or setting them too low and completely forgetting about them because they seemed too simple. Another problem would be that I would set too many and it was more than I could possibly fit into a year, trying to improve all my faults at once. The main problem being I am a procrastinator.

I don't read many self help books any more, although I may try some in the near future. A little too irritating for me. Too much energy and determination to conquer the universe. That's why I liked them in college because I did really think I was going to conquer the universe somehow. Now I am more of the slow and steady wins the race.

Well I did get discouraged because I am a procrastinator and I hated feeling like such a failure. After I had my 2nd baby I didn't get any sleep and really depressed. But when I dealt with I was re-ernergized, felt like my self again, and started doing a house cleaning program on Flylady.net. It really worked well for me. Even thought I don't do all the habits, I do a lot that make my life much easier. I would definately reccommend flylady to anyone although I am sure it's not for everyone. But even after that and adding 2 more babies to the mix and much more responsibilities I did get into ruts. I know it sounds textbook but I don't regret any of it, even the really difficult times because I have learned so much and have been richly blessed.

In 2007 I decided to set some goals but only in my head. I was not going to write them down because that was a sure way to failure. My goals were simple, reasonable, and things I really needed to do. And I just did them. I didn't let set backs stop me, I just kept working on them. It was a really great year. Now that those things are habits I can clearly see the next set of goals I need to make.

Soooo this year I am going to try and write them down. I started writing them in a notebook I use for random things but that was already getting annoying and seemed like too many responsiblity hanging over my head. Goals should be exciting and something you want to do not stuff that makes you feel horrible about yourself.

I am a little stressed that I am writing them here for all too see but they are not anything so private and I think I will be more likely to read them occasionally and even revise them throughout the year. There seems like a lot but a few are carried over from last year and things I just need to continue to think about so I don't get out of the habit.

• Create a more aggressive face cleansing regimen to help reduce my acne problem.
• Keep my hair colored and trimmed regularly because when I feel beautiful I feel more energetic and confident. That is shallow but it works for me.
• Do more relaxing spa things like paint my nails, give myself a pedicure, manicure, deep conditioner treatments, and foot or face massage.
• Exercise 5 days a week.
• Take a class or two. (1. Quilt block class, 2. Cake decorating class at Michael's)
• Continue to clean and organize my house.
• Redecorate Bathroom.
• Finish decorating the little girls room.
• Magnify my calling as RS Education counselor.
• Go to the temple once a month, if possible with my husband, if not I'll just go on my own.
• Visit a friend or relative I haven't seen for a while-at least Once a month.
• September do pre-school with Em and Ballerina.
• Spend individual time each day with each of my children.
• Tell my kids I love them everyday. It's sad that this doesn't come naturally but if I keep practicing it will come naturally.
• Teach Mya and Cor to sew.
• Each month work a little bit on Christmas projects so we can have a homemade Christmas 2008.
• Complete all my sewing projects.
• Eat sweets only once a week.
• Eat more fish.
• Read or Study Scriptures everyday.
• Kneel for prayers twice a day.
• Plan dates with Scott twice a month, which can include the trip to the temple.
• Stop thinking that I am an after thought by the people I love and those who love me. This is a middle child syndrome and I really need to let it go.
• Stop being afraid to fail.