Random Relay

Married Girl Friend: I can't talk to any guys without flirting so I just don't talk to them at all.

Me: laughing

Married Girl Friend: You'll need to make me a list of questions to ask so that I can talk to them.

Me: Wondering if many women have that problem.

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Ballerina comes home from an outing with Grandma with pooped filled panties and pants. I pull the panties off and throw them in the toilet. Ballerina is screaming because she wants to see what has happened to the poopy panties. Later I get the rubber gloves on and clean them out then put them in the wash. I know I could not handle cloth diapers. What a wimpy mother I am.

I told my sister Jenna about it and she said I should write an ode to poop.

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DH's grandma has passed away. Her funeral arrangements are the opposite schedule of every funeral I've been to. And I have been to a lot of funerals in the last few years. They are doing the viewing first (normal), then the interment (putting her in the ground), then the lunch, and finally the memorial service. She wanted it that way. She really wanted it to be a celebration of her life so maybe that's why she changed things up a bit. DH no longer has any living grandparents. I am sad for him even though he didn't have a super strong emotional bond with his grandparents. It's just brings us one step closer to being expected to be grown ups in our lives. How scary.

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I have been wearing a skirt every day this week just to feel pretty. And it worked. Even DH noticed. The first day he told me I looked cute. He knows I hate being called cute but I think he was sincere in his compliment. And it didn't make me want to puke coming from him.

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All these Mom's at play group looked at me weird when I told my girls "NO" today. I did say it firmly and with elevated volume. I wasn't yelling but I wanted them to know in no uncertain terms I meant no. Em and Ballerina had been clawing an whining at me for about 5 minutes. I had tried reasoning with them and that had no affect. I let them know their behavior was not alright with me. So finally I decided enough was enough. Em got the message but Ballerina kept on going, un-phased. Later one of the other mom's who had repeatedly asked her son to put his shoes back on said to him, "please, please, pretty please put your shoes back on." He completely ignored her the whole time. And I was just wondering who is the adult and who is the child. And this boy was definitely old enough to understand what was being asked and what he was doing by disobeying. I know I sound horribly mean, but I am a mean mom. I love my kids but I think they need to learn their limits. And maybe a little respect too. I don't expect as much response from Ballerina because she is 2 years old. But I expect a lot more from Em because she is 4 1/2. Em fights me because she wants to fight me but Ballerina fights me because she still believes the whole world revolves around her. I better stop now.

Fun times with the little ones

Dealing with the yucky stuff...

So this morning I was going to get up and take a shower before the kids got up. I haven't done that in a while since I have the eternal cold. Just as I was getting in the shower Em came in to tell me Ballerina had taken her diaper off and was poopy. I threw on my robe and she was in bed. Lying in her mess very content. I pulled off her nightgown and put her in the shower. She screamed the whole time. When I wrapped her in the towel she was happy again. But then it was time for lotion and bum ointment because she had poop on her bum for I don't know how long. She screamed until I had her completely dressed. I gave her a hug and told her what a good girl she was (it's so easy to lie when you love your kids). She was all happy and smiles again. Bad news: I had just put clean bedding on her bed yesterday. Good news: I put the plastic lined mattress pad on so the mess was nicely contained and easily thrown into the wash. During this whole ordeal I was in my robe that kept coming untied from fighting with Ballerina. It's amazing how no one notices that I am naked (DH was not home). Even 7 year old Cor hasn't realized he doesn't want to see his mother naked. I once heard an female announcer on the radio say that her teenage son still tries to come talk to her while she is in the bathroom. It almost made me cry. I am glad my kids are so comfortable with me and I am almost resigned to the fact that privacy is non-existent.

Cabin Fever...

For the last three days after we drop of Mya and Cor to school Ballerina has started screaming whenever I take a right turn off the street from the school. Because she realizes that I am headed back home. She screams, "Go the other way, Mommy!" She knows that if I turn left it means we are going somewhere, anywhere, but home. Today I turned left and she was soooo happy.

Time flies when you are having fun...I think...

Yesterday Anth came over to work on our quilt squares. Mya and Cor were being silly and teasing each other. She said, "So this is what I have to look forward too." Soon her little baby boy will be born and her little girl LB and baby BS will be 22 months apart. Just like mine. It was so weird to realize that it has been 7 1/2 years since I was where she is now. And it is so cliche to say it but it seems like yesterday. There are so many things that I have forgotten or blocked from my memory but it really doesn't seem like that much time has gone by. It made me a little sad and then made me feel a little old (not too much because I really only view people as 80 or older as "old"). Because when I had Cor I thought people with 4 kids were so much more mature and experienced. So now when I look at people with teenagers, I shudder to think that could be me in a few seconds. Because in 2 1/2 years all my kids will be in school!

I don't have any regrets about it because I have tried to enjoy it as much as I can and I have really tried to be a good mom. I have so totally failed at times and I am sure my kids will let me know how I screwed up someday. Actually 9 year old Mya already does except she tries to tell me nicely, in a stating the facts sort of way. I still think of Mya and Cor as my babies, just with different responsibilities. I wonder if I will always think of them that way?

I don't know how to describe how difficult it has been to raise my kids. Sometimes I feel like my brain is going to explode or simply that it had broken beyond repair, sometimes I feel like I would give them away, or that I'd never be good enough for them. On the other hand it has been so wonderful to love my babies. I do miss the little baby stage as Ballerina is almost 3 years old now but I plan to live vicariously through Anth and my other friends with new babies. DH and I already look forward to being grandparents someday and lovin' our grandbabies.